Tim Burton sucks

Halloween is for children. Adults should not be celebrating Halloween since they are not children. Since they stole Halloween, I am stealing that day back for my own selfish reasons. I first declared October 31st as Tim Burton sucks day about a decade ago. I know he is an easy target since he just makes the same dumb movie over and over again but more people need to be aware of just how horrible he is.

Tim Burton has made the same dumb movie who knows how many times.  He puts Johnny Depp is some stupid costume and makeup and thinks that makes Johnny Depp interesting.  Here is the truth. Johnny Depp has no personality. He is the character he plays in bad movies. He is so uncomfortable in his own skin that he randomly shows up places dressed as his characters so he can act naturally. I don’t know the cause of his issues but being a wiener cousin with Elon Musk must damage you in many ways.

Johnny Depp has been in many movies I have seen but I never know who he plays because he is so bland and boring that I can’t tell him from anyone else. He is more of an entertainment black hole than Mindy Kaling. I could run into him in public and think it’s just another dude that stands out in no way at all.

Another Tim Burton staple is Danny Elfman. He would be very talented if he was a child. All his “music” sounds the same.  It’s quirky nonsense. He is so bland that I can’t make fun of him because all his music is so unremarkable. He looks like he smells like the bus.

I would make fun of his other staple, Helena Bonham Carter but she was in Fight Club, so she gets a pass for now. I am sure she has done something to upset me, but I don’t care enough to look for an excuse to make fun of her. I think I have already pissed off enough women with this.

Also, his Batman movies suck. The first one was boring and was only successful because Warner Bros spent billions on marketing and Michael Keaton sucked as Batman and Batman 2 was too horny and creepy.

He also retroactively ruined Planet of the Apes and Willy Wonka with his abysmal takes on those franchises. Lucky for him Timothy Chardonnays version of Willy Wonka was also just as bad, so it took some heat off his version.

I saw about five minutes of his Alice in Wonderland movie and wanted to throw up. It was more overwhelming than a Baz Lurman epilepsy test. Why can’t these people just make a movie that is pleasant to look at? Why do they need to overdo everything to the point where you get a migraine just by watching the trailer? Oh, I just realized what the reason is. Debilitating depression. It’s like if Robin Williams or Jack Black was the actual movie.

I would make fun of his other movies, but the names are interchangeable since they are all the same movies. This man has done more damage to society than The Office. Why we let him get away with this is one of life’s great mysteries.

So please spread the work about Tim Burton sucks day so more people realize just how bad he has been for entertainment. I believe if we all stood together and stopped watching his one movie over and over again he will come to his senses and apologize for all the horrible things he’s done.