Far From Home is the worst marvel movie

Far From Home is the worst Marvel movie based solely on the fact that it does nothing to build on the momentum the excellent Homecoming started. It starts with Not Nick Fury and Not Robin Sparkles investigating why Jake Gyllenhaal is destroying a country that doesn't need destroying.

The use of the offensive try hard version of Dolly Parton's (star of Rhinestone and recently deceased) "I Will Always Love you" should put this movie on the FBI's most wanted list. Using it to gush over dead Tony Stark makes it even worse. This is supposed to be a Spider-Man movie, not an Iron Man tribute movie.  Also, Zendaya is in this movie doing her hardest to get rid of red heads because she is a plain looking red head hater who is in too many movies. Please stop putting her in every movie. It’s called over exposure and her being unbelievably plain makes it even worse. She also can’t act and got popular doing a show where all she does is drugs. If the shoe fits.

The whole Mysterio thing is just dumb. Every time he is on screen I want to watch Jake Gyllenhaals best movie, Bubble Boy. Now that was a great movie. Plenty of humor, heart and character development. It also showed just how evil some women can be. Jake Gyllenhaal should have retired after that movie. He could only go down from perfection.

Night Monkey also drags this movie down and reeks of Sony trying to sell toys. It’s expected since this is a Sony movie. They always shove so much product placement in their movies. Why do you think the refrigeration played an important role in the original Ghostbusters? Just look at all those labels facing out. That was also a better movie than this one. Now that was two great movies that weren’t run into the ground by greed and toxic femininity. The whole “European Vacation” schtick was bad. I wish I had a clever way to make fun of it but this movie damaged my brain.

"Edith" drags down the movie to tv episode level. It all feels like an episode of Chuck but with a bigger budget. Spider-Man movies don't need to be high level Avengers movies, but they also can be better than this crap. The bus scene might be the hardest scene to watch. This is the scene that made me wish I was watching a better Marvel movie, like Thor: The Dark World. Remember when all the Marvel movies had a different feel?  

The scene where all of Starks ex-employees are the worst part in the movie. This is a Spider-Man movie, not a Tony Stark movie. We could have had the follow up with Vulture and Scorpion but instead we got a silly, disgruntled ex-employee movie. This is Napoleon Dynamite level writing. No one cares about these characters, and no one ever will. It also ruined that kid from A Christmas Story’s part in Iron Man.

The final battle is a mess. It’s hard to follow and hard to care about. More Stark memberberries, more confusion and more who the hell cares. Mysterio can be used in great ways and has been in comics, but this movie was just a disaster. A special effects orgy for no reason. If they gave me a reason to care about the characters and if I was emotionally involved up to this point I might have cared. Too bad I checked out at the “bitch you’ve been to space” line.

The first post credit scene is the movie’s biggest downfall. So many people skipped it because they didn’t know Nick Fury wasn't Nick Fury. The second post credit scene was the best part of the movie. The return of J. Jonah Jameson was perfect and him revealing that Peter Parker was Spider-Man was the correct way of doing the unmasking.

This could have led into a great third movie with Matthew Murdock defending Peter in court and fighting bad guys in in their superhero forms but instead we got something, while good, should have been called Spider-Men.

Brand New Day was the first true sequel to Homecoming. Both great movies and Brand New Day had a redhead in it. I bet ethnic Taylor Swift had a hissy fit about that.

Zendaya sucks.